Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
