Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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