where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
