The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
