Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
