apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
