i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
