I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
