his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i dont even know how to be here
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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