i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
