Betty ford says i'm here all night
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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