hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
