is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
