At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
