there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
