How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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