Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
This is classic penis vs brain.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
