you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i think i just naturally attract stoners
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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