The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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