I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
