watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
