If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
