dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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