the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
