Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
