I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
