im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
