so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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