Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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