My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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