i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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