Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
