Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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