Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
