There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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