We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
