i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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