So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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