so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
