I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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