At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I wish there were birth control emojis
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
