Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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