Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
