Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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