weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
