I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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