I wish my penis had an off switch
and she was petting her beer can
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
