Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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