There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
