i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
