If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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