I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
