Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
