Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
